.	Mike     >> Techno junkie boy wonder

DISCLAIMER: I don't edit this page myself, regardless of my editor status. Mainly due to the fact that i dont always know what Mike's on about. So enjoy!

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The legend of Zelda - Oracle of Ages/Seasons
Miyamoto....the Overfiend of nintendo gaming has done it again. The Oracle of Seasons, put simply is some evil lord trying to take over some random place that isnt Hyrule by stealing a temple and creating chaos 'cos the seasons are put to buggary. The Oracle of Ages, some evil bitch witch possesses some girl and goes backward and forward in time. Sounds like fun. Well anyway the format is similar to that of LTOZ: Links awenkening and it also plays like it. In a recent SJC game pole(5 of us sittin around a table) it was rated that it was good, but the fact the X-box is coming out soon goes priority with the majority(ah poetry!). Anyway, as with all zelda games, you can collect magical weapons and so on so forth, but i think Miyamoto has read lord of the Rings way too much as now included are(drum roll) magical rings that really do sod all. Still overall one for the hardcore Zelda RPG fans. My advice? Well its good, but if ya want better, get a PS2 and Devil May cry.

Sound: 82%
Playability: 92%
Graphics: 93%(well diserved for GBC Format)
Overall: 90%(for both)

Hot US techno stuff.
*singing to the tune of US anthem* Oh say can you see? By the dark of the night, kinky J gettin nekkid..........eeewww *shudders*. Ok, America is pretty big and believe it or not....i didnt do all of it just Florida, and yes, Florida is the Skegness of America (all beach's and shit holes), but my time wasnt wasted in disney....checkin all the fit american/english/mexican gurls ooohhhh no. I had a mission(well, id like to think of it as a mission) to go forth and check all techno gear.....so onwards, and as i know Dan would like a kinda review of sony robo pets, here it is.
I-Bo Kitty(manufactured by Sony, not like those ones you buy in woolies), is the cutting edge of animal computer thingy. It raises its paw, it purr's and it even winks at you. These are actually quite annoying, more annoying then a hamster with 50% more stealth in your trousers. This cool little piece of techno junk will set you back $1,999. And also you have to buy an upgrade for $50, so to be honest, if you want a real cat that dosent wink and bleep at you, buy a real one(but i dont give garantees if the real cat scratchs your eyes out!).   Rocking Rollercoaster(this is a ride, not techno junk but its a cool ride thats why im writing up on it) is in Disney MGM studios. Unfortunatly, it features aging rockers Areosmith, who should retire like a pair of 10 year old pants(J's ten year old pants might I add). Anyway, after a one minute video, you que up for aboot 2 minutes, and then get in a thing resembling a streched limo. Once strapped up, you turn a corner, and as its meant to be a car, as soon as the light goes green, you scream out of the little station thing at 60mph in 2 seconds flat. You then proceed through some monster loops and death defying areosmith music(death defying cos if it gets any louder, the old couple infront of you will have a heart attack). Great ride, just wish it lasted longer.
Super Mario Circuits
Mario Kart has been one of the msot succesful racing games ever to grace computer consols. From its first on the SNES, to the last on N64. This game features the 8 racers from the 64 version, all still speaking(but changes abound, Wario's laugh, toad, mario, luigi and the princess have all changed, and Yoshi says his name) and all still dancing. New tracks as usaul, the obligitory rainbow road of annoyance is there, as well as a new cup, the lightning cup. Also, the 4 player options on 4 GBA's is sweet.....but i actually have yet to get a link cable. The game is let down by one feature, the steering. As with F-Zero Advanced, you need to hold the driving line to succeed, other wise your cheep cheep food. But hey, if you like mario kart, you'll love it.   Graphics: 98%   Overall: 95% (if you get the handling problem sorted, nothing can stop you!)

Super Mario Circuits scores:
Lastabillity: 97%
Graphics: 98%
Sound: 98%
Overall: 95%

Gameboy Advance (and games): Must have hardware or shiny bleepy thing?
Time for a history lesson. 20 years ago, the console war began. The only players were Nintendo with the game and watch gallery, and saga with summint simmilar. Then, saga and nintendo developed their first systems, the NES, and the Master system. This, i call the dark age of technology. Why? Because only these two consoles, and the BBC pc(damn i got a good memory). Then, the console war stepped up a notch. Saga, released the Master system 2 (Essentially the same as the original, but with a sleeker design and built in game: Alex the kid in miracle world) and the great battery eater lord, the game gear. Nintendo released before hand, the legend that is the game boy. This was in the year 1990. Near 6 years later, Nintendo decided to revamp the game boy, a thinner game boy was released, named the game boy pocket, for ever dubbing the original as 'the brick'. In a tragic road accident however, the game boy's head developer, was  killed. In memory of the maker, the game boy pocket in 1998/9 was revamped, giving it the grasp of the NES 8bit colour. "Hooray!" shouted the public, but nintendos chief director, had other plans. Today (22/06/2001) saw the release of the game boy advance, a hand held system that is as economical as the original game boy, only using two AA batteries, but with a maximum power of a sony playstation (32bit baby!). And guess, who was one of the first in the queue, wrong. It wasnt me, it was my mum (college sucks) (Hey, so does your mu- ARGH! My spleen! - J). This is the end of the history lesson.
So the GBA, on first impression, was tiny. The games, unlike thier predessors, are half the size, allowing at least two or three to fit in your hands. Its devlopment allows it to be used in four way battles, and even as, get this, a gamecube controler!! Holy cow! Anyway, the screen is pretty big, and the game play is fast and furious on any game. But for now, you will have to deal with only two game reviews. First on the block, Super Mario Advance.   SMA(no not the baby milk powder):   Lets review what we know. One of the NES's best games, was Super Mario 2, where you could play as Mario, Luigi, Toad or the Princess. Well this and the original Mario Bros game and watch have had more of a make over then a fat women on Riki lake. In Mario 2, the characters can now speak, they have new enemies and the boses are 10 times as hard as the original, they even speak too! Mario Bros, has stayed true to the original game and watch as well, but with more colours, and more moves. Enemies come hard and fast out of pipes in the top corner, all intent on killing mazza. You have to be quick to survive, as giant balls of fire erupt across the screen (hey, its meant to be set in the sewers! Mario is a plumber you know.) and POW blocks are unavalable after use. All in all, SMA is as evil as the devil, but is as nice looking as an angel is. Mario will have you yelling "Hehe i beat her!" At the top of your lungs as you play level after level of 100% Miyamoto madness (Dominating types can do this too. There's nothign like yelling "Hehe i beat her!" while you teach your naughty gimp whats what. Oh, i've said too much...- Editor Dan). This is all before i have played the multiplayer battle mode! A top notch game, with few visable weaknesses. You'll be playing this in your dreams.  

Super Mario Advance Scores: 
Lastabillity: 86%
Graphics: 78% 
Sound: 80% 
Overall: 85%    

Next game: F-Zero: Maximum velocity   Mario and Wario. Both fat. The diffrence? Wario is Mario's evil twin. If F-Zero X on the 64 had an evil twin, then it's this game. Alright so it looks like the super Nes version, but appearances can be decieving. Trust me. The few diffrences are that the orignal characters are not their, so no Captain Flacon for you! The few characters that are thier, as totally mad, their racers go like 500kmp/h, which is as fast as the expansion pack aided Star Wars racer on N64. Thier is just one problem, albiet the speed, is the handling. Now, i'm addicted to the drug that is produced when you either ride in or drive something really fast. But this game gives me a kick that means that i go mad. This causes more problems then me getting hyper, but you cant control the game. If you make one simple mistake on one corner, it'll cost you the game. Another fault is the continuating need to gain a top place. Unlike previous F-Zeros, where you could only qualify by getting points, this time, you need to gain a top place and hold it, as the need to stay first is made mad. On lap 3, if you take the lap below 7th, you lose. 4th lap, you need to be above 5th, and the final lap you need to finish above 3rd. Very annoying combined with the handling difficulites. Overall, F-Zero Maximum velocity, is as fast as roadrunner and as cunning as Wile Kiyotie. Nerves of steel are needed, and concentration the concentration of a two year old watching Mopatop shop. Great fun, but the multi-player leaves alot to be desired.  

F-Zero: Maximum Velocity Scores:
Lastabillity: 89%
Graphics: 80%
Sound: 71%
Overall: 83%

Roms and Zelda (But not Zelda Roms)
Hi Mike here in mikes techno junk section! Today, children we shall be glancing into the world of roms for your pc. A rom, is something that you can play downloaded games on. One of my friends Thak (http://www.thakman.com/) is a bit of a rom freak and showed me them. At first i though it to be an inadvertant skank on the computer games market, but know im not too sure, and its all matt calabrese's (Who? -Editor Dan) fault. (Pretty much like Gork told me to do it)
My opinion changed for one reason: Make your own zelda game!!! thats rite, know every one knows im a bit of a zelda freak and know pretty much everything to know, but this is uncharted territory for me. The idea of actually making your own game sounds cool, but take's up loads of space so i canna really do it at the moment. Judge for your self at: http://www.openzelda.co.uk/ Matt is the sound guy for openzelda, and can be found along with me (shadow agasthiem) on the htloz boards.
Thats it from me for know, but stay tuned kiddies as soon, I shall be reviewing the fabled game boy advance! Whhooo! Plus i shall be asking the age old question: Whats the point of net smilies? Remember: The ends justifies the means!

-- Dash.Doggie.C.

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